Happy Birthday to Me OR A Dubious Milestone

Last week at work, my young friend, Brian meandered in. He asked what I was doing. I told him I was mentally making a list of the things that would become available to me on May 31. When he gave me a puzzled look, I explained that I was celebrating a milestone birthday that was not necessarily a milestone that one wanted to celebrate. "Ah," he said, "a dubious milestone." He hit the nail on the head.

As others joined in our conversation, one asked if I had just gotten my AARP card. "Well, no," I said, "I got one of those when I was 44. My husband was 6 years older than me so I got in when he did. Besides, I could have gotten one on my own a few years ago."

So what, pray tell, is now available? Here is a list. (Take note friends of the same age and former classmates!)

1. I can now order off that "special" menu at participating restaurants.
2. I can now officially live in a retirement, oops, "active adult" community.
3. If I owned a Saturn I could get 20% off on parts and service.
4. I can get a discount at Best Western Hotels.
5. I can get a discount Jiffy Lube.
6. Thanks TCBY but ICBITO (I can't believe I'm this old.)
7. I can get a discount at AMC theaters.
8. I can get a Golden Apple Card at Applebees.
9. Wendy's, here I come!

I've noticed that things have changed since my parents were my age. The senior age is creeping up. The new "golden" number seems to be 62. That's when I can get the things I really want like the 10% discount from Finnair and the 5% reduced fare for the Greyhound bus!

I always wonder if I will ever feel any differently than I did when I was 20. Sure I have more knowledge and experience but I don't feel different. I don't know if this is normal or if I am just woefully immature. I just hope I never feel my age, although at times when I go through the checkout at the drug store, I can see it!

So, until my next dubious milestone birthday, I will enjoy my new life perks. Oh, I forgot one.

10. Goodwill has a 10% discount for me one day a week!

The Best Mother's Day Gift. Ever.

When my daughter, Elizabeth was a toddler, I always marveled at the speed with which changes would occur. There were times when I would put her down for a nap and when she awoke, she could perform a task that would have been impossible for her to perform before she took the nap. It was as if switches were turned on in her little brain while she slept. I can still remember the day that she was walking up the steps into the living room, chattering away, and I realized that she no longer had the baby lisp. While I knew that I would miss the stage that she had just left, I always looked forward to the new stage that she was entering. With Elizabeth, a new stage never failed to present a new challenge and learning experience for Mom!

Of course, as she grew older, the changes and stages slowed and were so much more subtle. Change now involved choices rather than physical skills. Seventh grade stands out in my mind as the year she had to make the choice with regard to the type of friends she would have. She chose wisely. In high school, her choices included marching band and theater which were extraordinary for both of us. Some other choices were not good. Some caused a lot of stress between us. We weathered those storms and we both learned.

In college now, Elizabeth lives in Columbia year round. She is still making good choices and accomplishing wonderful things: school work, friends, activities, job. And I thought that the changes were pretty much done. And I was wrong.

For the past several years, we have spent Mother's Day engaged in some sort of outdoor activity with the dog. The first I can remember was a hike around Lake Haigler at the ASC Greenway in Fort Mill. Two years ago, we hiked along the Saluda River in Columbia, SC.
When I saw a story on the Internet about the Cherohala Skyway in western North Carolina I thought it would be a great place for us to spend this Mother's Day weekend. On Sunday, we would drive to Tellico Plains, TN and stay overnight at the Lodge at Tellico. The Lodge welcomes dogs! On Monday, we would drive the Skyway, hike a little, see waterfalls, take pictures. When I asked Elizabeth about it she said, "Sure Mom, anything you want!"

She called me a few days later and asked me if I could take an extra day off from work for Mother's Day. When I asked her why the response was, "I have all the arrangements made. I just need you to get the extra day. It's a surprise." I said I would try. I was able to get the extra day and called to report my success. Curiosity getting the better of me, once more I asked what we were going to do. Again she responded that it was a surprise but then said, "Oh Mommy, you know I can't keep a secret. I know how much you miss her so I am going to take you to Philadelphia to see your Mother for Mother's Day." I can't recall what I said. My Mother is in a nursing home. She suffers from senior dementia and the situation is very difficult. I miss her dreadfully in so many ways. I was amazingly touched and very close to tears. And then it hit me. Another lovely, subtle change has occurred. My little girl has become a caring, thoughtful, loving woman. This was a gift of love and sacrifice (she had to take time off from work too); it was a gift of time.

We spent 3 lovely days together driving to and from Philadelphia. The visit with my Mother was wonderful. We talked and laughed and she enjoyed our company. It was a joy to see Elizabeth with her Granny. While Mother may not remember our names, we know that she knows that we belong to her. We had great visits with my brothers and sister, visited Elizabeth's Grandmother Dugan. But the best part was as we were driving up Highway 81 in Virginia. Elizabeth reached over and patted my leg and said, "I miss you Mom." My heart swelled as I realized that as much as I was looking forward to spending time with her, she was looking forward to spending time with me. That realization still brings tears to my eyes. This trip, this time together, was the best Mother's Day gift. Ever.

An Anniversary

Bittersweet. There are certain times when a word just perfectly describes feelings. Today my feelings are bittersweet. It is the 30th anniversary of the day I married Bob.

May 17, 1980 was a gloriously beautiful day. The sun was shining; the azaleas were blooming. It was the perfect spring day in Yardley, Pennsylvania. The whole day was perfect! From the ceremony, to the reception, to the after party, everything was perfect.

On our honeymoon we toured the Austro-Hungarian Empire. We flew to Vienna, Austria then on to Budapest, Hungary, Bratislava and Prague in Czechoslovakia, Salzburg, Austria and then cruised down the Danube back to Vienna. Along the way we attended operettas and operas, partied with Cuban military officers at a "disco" in Bratislava (Cuban banana liquor and Russian champagne are yummy,) took the "Sound of Music Tour" in Salzburg (the honeymoon capital of Austria,) and actually got to see a Lipizzaner Stallions' performance at the Spanish Riding School in Vienna! I remember both of us had reservations about spending 3 weeks together 24/7. When the plane took off to come home we both cried. We did not want it to end.

And it never really did. Every year we took a vacation around our anniversary. We had just moved to the Carolinas, so we spent our 5th anniversary in Charleston, SC. We were on a harbor tour and I started talking to a woman. I told her that we were celebrating our anniversary. She went on to say that she remembered her first anniversary. I explained that it was our fifth. She looked at me and said, "I just assumed by the way you look at each other that it was your first!" I don't remember being that spoony.

After eight and a half years of wedded bliss, it got even better with the birth of our daughter, Elizabeth Rose. Oh, how he loved his child! He was a hands on parent. He read to her, took her fishing, went on school field trips, and just enjoyed her company. How can you not adore a man who so loves his child?

I certainly don't want to leave the impression that everything was always blissful. It wasn't. When two people live together there are always issues and obstacles to overcome. But we always worked it out. I wondered one time why he never really got mad at me. His response was,” Well, when I start getting annoyed, I ask myself what's wrong with me today? Why is it bothering me today? If I think it will still bother me tomorrow, then I'll say something. If not, I just need to keep my mouth shut." He was a smart guy.

When our 20th anniversary came, Bob was very upset that we were not going to be able to celebrate on May 17th. He had clients in from India and he was expected to entertain them. I told him it was fine. Elizabeth and I would have dinner and when he came home, we could open a bottle of wine. But he was so upset about it! To my surprise, he walked in around 6:30. His boss rearranged his schedule and took the clients out so Bob could come home. We had no time to get a babysitter, so the three of us went to dinner to celebrate and it was perfect. And, it was the last one.

Bob died on September 6, 2000. The world changed instantaneously. The week before he died, I had said to the girls in my high school Sunday school class that my heart still fluttered when he walked into the room. It would never happen again.

Ten years have flown by. Elizabeth has grown into a beautiful and responsible woman. She has inherited many of her father's best and worst traits. I think she has fond memories of him, but she was just 11 when he died. I've tried not to make him into a mythical hero. I've wanted her to know him as the brilliant and flawed person that he was. And as for me, I still miss him. Sometimes I still imagine that he will walk through the front door.

So, what would I have done on that perfect spring day, May 17, 1980, if I knew that this was where life would take me? I would not want to have missed a single day of those 20 years. And while the bitter hurt will probably always be there, the sweet joy of the memories is so much more precious and powerful. I know that I loved and was loved. Who could pass on a life like that?

Meeting Karl Rove

A few weeks ago I met Karl Rove. To set this up, a few pieces of information about me are probably appropriate.
1. Smart is my biggest weakness.
My husband spoke 5 languages.
At a real estate convention in Myrtle Beach a few years back, all the attendees were buzzing because the Chairman and CEO of the franchise parent corporation was the keynote speaker. He was introduced and this short guy with glasses takes the stage. I turned to my friend Linda and said in dismay, "That's him? The short guy with the glasses?" Thirty minutes later, Linda had to restrain me from throwing my room key on the stage! His speech was brilliant, witty and visionary. I was hooked.
2. Good manners are a close second on the weakness scale.
Please hold the door for me. Please say please and thank you and smile. Please treat everyone with respect.
3. My first impressions are pretty much on the money.
My husband would always marvel at this ability. I remember one conversation when he said, "I have worked with that guy for 2 years and have just figured him out. You met him 15 minutes ago and you just nailed him! How do you do that?" What can I say? It's a gift.
4. I have a rich and flourishing fantasy life.

We found out that Karl Rove was coming to do a book signing 3 days before the event. I was in alt! Then we got the "instructions" for the event from the publisher. I'm thinking, "Who does this guy think he is?" Now, my friend Jamie, who has been doing this a lot longer than I have, saw my dismay and assured me that it was just a "cut and paste" from the publisher and that all these publicist instructions look this way. (Note to self: If you ever get famous, remember to review what the publicist sends out in your name cause dam!) So now I was wary. Well, when I saw him, my first impression was...."What a nice, cheerful guy!" By the time he left he had charmed us all. For 2 full hours his energy was contagious, his manners impeccable, his smile endearing and his interest in every patron genuine. He was already down the stairs and leaving the building when a customer came in and had just missed him. He came back up the stairs to meet the gentleman, signed his book and posed for a picture! I was hooked!

So why am I relating this story? Well, it's not often in life that you get to see how those you cherish in life view you. In relating the events to my family and friends here are some of the reactions.
Sister #1:
Me: Ten years I'm a widow and I finally meet someone I would date and it turns out to be Karl Rove.
K: Gee, Bets. You don't have high standards do you?
Translation: Reality check!!!! That's what sister's are for!

Sister #2:
Me: I really had fun!
B: You were just giddy and he could tell. He's a dirty old man. (Sorry, Karl)
Translation: You are naive and need to be protected. Which, at my age, when you think about it, is very, very sweet! That's what sisters are for!

My daughter:
Me: Did you see the picture?
E: Yeah.
Me: Well....
E: It's cute Mom...2 old people flirting. (Again, sorry Karl!)
Me: Thanks, Rid.
Translation: I may be old but I can still flirt!

My 2 best friends, a niece, a nephew and my 3 brothers:
All: Did you give him your phone number?
Translation: They actually see no reason why Karl Rove wouldn't want to call me. You gotta love these guys!

So, I've discovered that when one event happens that you thought of as fun and memorable, sometimes the after effects are what really count! There are so many people who cherish me and see me as someone special and interesting, and who want to protect me, and want me to be happy. I am truly blessed!

So Karl, if you read this, (this is where the rich and flourishing fantasy life comes in) give me a call. Lots of people think you should.
Did I mention that the store actually got a thank you note from him? (Manners...I really am hooked!)